Clowning Around

Clowns. It’s my experience that most people hate them. Johnny Depp once said, “Something about the painted face, the fake smile. There always seemed to be a darkness lurking just under the surface, a potential for real evil.” My roommate recently confessed that she loved clowns as a kid because she used to watch a documentary about them, but as she got older she didn’t like them anymore. For me, it’s circumstantial. I knew a professional clown and she would do events for our church all the time. Obviously, I was never scared of her. But then I went to Cirque du Soleil when I was 17 and the French clowns gave me a panic attack (it didn’t help that we were front center row). 

I think for me what unnerves me about them is that they get in your face and your personal space. I know logically they’re not gonna hurt me, but when you have social anxiety,  a stranger with crusty makeup and a ratty wig getting too close is a nightmare.

When I found out today was National Clown Day, I was sure that was a theme I was not going to do for a blog post. Even though the theme of scary clowns seems to be popping up everywhere. There’s obviously the hype around the new It movie, which I’m ONLY planning to see because Bill Skarsgard, one of my favorite actors, is playing Pennywise. And then the title of the new American Horror Story season is Cult, though if you’ve seen any of the teasers, there’s a distinct clown look to the cult members (which I think I read has something to do with Twisty the clown from the Freak Show season).

Well, I certainly don’t have any fashion or accessories inspired by Pennywise or Twisty, but looking through my things, I realized there was a clownish character I did have quite a bit of accessories inspired by.


When I was a kid, Harley Quinn was all red and black, rocking that iconic court jester one piece. The movie Suicide Squad was admittedly all over the place, but the aesthetic of the film was undeniably iconic and that had a lot to do with Margot Robbie’s version of Harley Quinn.

Most of the accessories in my collection are necklaces. The one in the picture (and I should note that I did take pictures of me wearing all the necklaces, but some of them, img_0548paired with the smeared lipstick looked too, for lack of a better term, kinky) is a red rhinestone on a black chain displaying Harley’s favorite nickname. There are two very similar chokers, both displaying Puddin name again. The cream one with gold lettering looks just like the one in the movie, including buckling in the back, which is actually easier than I thought it would be. However, the letters cause black scuff marks, since they can slide up and down the choker, and this can totally be seen on a cream-colored strap. So the alternative is the black one with silver lettering. This won’t be a replica like the cream, but scuffs won’t show, it has a regular clasp in the back if you’re not comfortable with the buckle, and I don’t know about your wardrobe, but this matches with more of my outfits. The final necklace is a velvet choker with a gold heart displaying the words of one of Harley’s tattoos (and her baseball tee), “Daddy’s Little Monster.”

The bracelets are a recent purchase for me and close replicas of the ones from the movie, the only real difference is that the spikes aren’t as long, which is probably more to your benefit.

I didn’t recreate the entire Harley Quinn makeup look, mostly because I shockingly am out of blue eyeshadow, but if you want to get that bright red lip, I used both a liner and a lipstick. The liner was MAC’s Pro Longwear lip pencil in “High Energy” and the lipstick was Rimmel’s Lasting Finish Matte Lipstick by Kate in #111 “Kiss of Life.” Just give it a smear and you’ve got it down.

So how do you feel about clowns? Love them? Hate them? Indifferent? Do you like getting scared by them in horror movies and are looking forward to the It remake (seriously, I love you, Bill Skarsgard)? Or do you have fonder memories of them from childhood? Or do you prefer a non traditional sort of clown, like Harley Quinn or the Joker? Let me know in the comments!


Harley Quinn Funko Pop keychain

July Playlist


Finally! My music game is back! July in general was all about regaining my balance. I got my job on track, my writing on track, everything generally on track. So overall, July was a pretty good month. Of course, we start with a Disney track, and this month is the theme song to my spirit animal, Mad Madam Mim, from Sword in the Stone, probably the most underrated Disney movie of all time. Sidebar: she is also the source of my Instagram bio, “I hate horrible, wholesome sunshine.”

The next seems a bit random, but “Story of My Life” got added because the song made an appearance on the show Boy Band (which is AMAZING AND EVERYTHING) and I realized I love this song, but didn’t actually have it on my iPod. Also, my roommate had never seen the video, so I made her watch it because I think it’s hilarious that she cries at everything. She thought she would make it through the video, but then it got to THAT PART (watch the vid and you’ll know) and she went, “Oh, shit. Oh, SHIT,” as the waterworks started. It’s making me laugh even as I type this, which makes me horrible, I know.

Another random is “Crank It Up” by Ashley Tisdale. I really like Ashley Tisdale, but a lot of her music isn’t my jam. However, July was also the month I started working out again (which is still the most horrible thing ever and I didn’t miss it at all), and this is a really good workout tune.

I did a post about my 4th of July, so I won’t go into it again, but I grabbed an older Lana Del Rey Song and Elvis singing an American classic for the day.

New music of the month was a track by Biotin Babies, Armstrongs, the new All-American Rejects EP, and of course Lana Del Rey’s new album, which is fantastic.

I also finally got around to the used bookstore in town, which also sells records, so I got my hands on David Bowie’s Scary Monsters. I already had “Fashion” and “Ashes to Ashes” in my library, so I spent the month listening to the other tracks and, love.

The last track on the playlist went to the theme music from Teen Wolf because the end of the month brought the premiere of the last ten episodes of the series and I’m both excited and upset by this.

Unfortunately, July also brought the death of the incredibly talented Chester Bennington of Linkin Park. Three years ago, I got to see Linkin Park in concert and I remember walking away thinking what an incredible show they put on and how his voice sounded almost identical to how it does on the albums. I knew I wanted to add a Linkin Park track to this month’s playlist, and was at first going to go with the obvious “Leave Out All The Rest,” with “My December” as a contender. But his death got me thinking about what Linkin Park’s music meant to me. This was the band I would play as a teenager when I was sad or angry because it felt good to hear someone else scream out the things that I was feeling and didn’t know how to put into words because I didn’t really know what was happening to me or how to deal with it. So I grabbed one of the songs that represented that time, “Somewhere I Belong.” As I got older, I learned how to shut up and get rid of some of my demons. Chester’s death was a reminder that it could have (and almost did) end a different way for me. I do sincerely pray that he’s at peace and my heart is still broken over the situation, and especially for his family and friends.

  1. “Mad Madam Mim”
  2. “Story of My Life” One Direction
  3. “American” Lana Del Rey
  4. “America The Beautiful” Elvis Presley
  5. “Day After” Biotin Babies
  6. “Sweat” the All-American Rejects
  7. “Close Your Eyes” the All-American Rejects *
  8. “Crank It Up” Ashley Tisdale
  9. “Groupie Love” Lana Del Rey ft. A$AP Rocky
  10. “Summer Bummer” Lana Del Rey ft. A$AP Rocky & Playboi Carti
  11. “If There Was Ever A Time” Armstrongs
  12. “It’s No Game (No.1)” David Bowie
  13. “Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps)” David Bowie
  14. “Teenage Wildlife” David Bowie
  15. “Scream Like A Baby” David Bowie
  16. “Kingdom Come” David Bowie
  17. “Because You’re Young” David Bowie
  18. “Up The Hill Backwards” David Bowie
  19. “It’s No Game (No. 2)” David Bowie
  20. “Somewhere I Belong” Linkin Park
  21. “Cherry” Lana Del Rey
  22. “White Mustang” Lana Del Rey
  23. “In My Feelings” Lana Del Rey
  24. “God Bless America – And All the Beautiful Women In It” Lana Del Rey
  25. “When the World Was At War We Kept Dancing” Lana Del Rey
  26. “Beautiful People Beautiful Problems” Lana Del Rey ft. Stevie Nicks
  27. “Tomorrow Never Came” Lana Del Rey ft. Sean Ono Lennon
  28. “Heroin” Lana Del Rey
  29. “Change” Lana Del Rey
  30. “Get Free” Lana Del Rey
  31. “Teen Wolf Theme” Dino Meneghin


candle – Zoella “Seaside stroll”

Eyeshadow palette – BH Cosmetics – Illuminate by Ashley Tisdale in “Beach Goddess”

magazines – Interview (July 2017), Dazed & Confused (Spring/Summer 2017)

Stars and Stripes Forever


Usually, my 4th of July was spent at home by myself doing pretty much nothing. My friends have always been dispersed around the globe, had plans with other people or their own families. I hadn’t even seen fireworks on the 4th of July since I was a kid. That changed this year and I was American as f*ck. I watched The Patriot in the morning then my roommate, Charissa, and I hung out in the backyard during the day with our neighbor who I just met even though I’ve lived in the house a month (My social skills are A+). They drank, we listened to music and grilled burgers and hot dogs, and then Charissa and I headed walked into town. We listened to an army band then found a spot to watch fireworks while we ate fried dough and root beer floats. We were planning on doing s’mores and sparklers in the fire pit in the backyard, but I think we got lazy somewhere in there and just chilled.

But the whole time, I for sure rocked an American flag top.


Paired with some classic American denim, this shredded American flag graphic tee was from Chicnova (sold out). The holes punctured throughout gives it a little bit more of an edge than just a basic flag tee you could get anywhere and that’s what drew me to it. Shoes were the ever classic Converse black cloth trainers, which I’ve only recently brought back into rotation because the sole was broken for years. (I still need to replace the laces and clean them, but that’s for another day). Because the jeans are a little higher and I was wearing Converse, socks had to be low, so I went with my trusty red and white 1937 dip-dye anklet socks from Madewell.img_0487


Along with my other rings, including my infinity ring, I added my Vampire Diaries inspired Elena’s daylight ring, which, if you watched the show, you know if a nice blue color. My earrings were white Fishbone earrings from a Blackheart cat stud earring set which I got from Hot Topic. My necklace added another element of metal edge with its skull on battered wings, which was purchased from Amazon and chosen for this outfit mostly because of its red gem eyes. My leather cuff also came from Amazon, but is sold out. There’s all sorts of different studs and chains on it, but because some of those studs were star-shaped, adding it was a no brainer. And since I was outside for most of the day, sunglasses were needed, I grabbed Ladona classic black aviator style sunglasses because, yes


Onto makeup. Maybelline FIT ME Shine-Free + Balance foundation in “Ivory” was used under my chin to cover up any double chin action I was sporting and my Real Techniques brush was used to blend that out. My dark circles from my shit sleep patterns was covered with my NARS Radiant Creamy concealer in “Creme Brulee.” For my eyes, I used my NYX Love In Paris eyeshadow palette in “Merci Beaucoup,” particularly the redder shades. As always I tried to curl my lashes with my Bobbi Brown eyelash curler, but we all know how that goes for me. I have a lot of amazing scents in my collection, but my go to lately has been Lady Gaga’s “Fame.” I’m not wearing it in the picture, but 4th look isn’t complete without a red lip, so I used my NARS Velvet Matte lipstick pencil in “Mysterious Red,” which my roommate also borrowed to sport with her outfit (which looked awesome. I wish I had taken a pic).

I wasn’t crazy about how my nails came out, so I didn’t take a picture, but I obviously went with red, white, and blue and did get a lot of compliments on them. Chanel Le Top Coat was used and, five days later, they’re just now starting to chip.

Regardless of outfits, I had a fun 4th and I hope everyone else did too. Let me know if you go all out with the red, white, and blue motif or if it’s just not your thing. I wanna see your looks!

Happy birthday, America!


American flag fan from Amazon

June Playlist

I’ll start by saying that my playlist this month is not very long. I’ve been incredibly busy so discovering new music and deciding to add it to the monthly playlist hasn’t been priority number one. Because HOLY CRAP I MOVED. I wrote about this last month, but WordPress decided to be dumb and delete the entry. But yes. On the third, I finally was able to move out of my parents’ home. It’s definitely been a huge adjustment. I never lived on my own, never lived outside of Massachusetts, and I never even went to college so even that experience of having a roommate is something I never had as an adult. It’s not bad, not at all, but it is different. In Massachusetts, I was by myself 90% of the time since all my friends live all over the country, so I got into my own little routines and moving disrupted all of them (like my daily discovery of new music). But we got a fresh month ahead, so I’m hopefully going to stay on top of the things that I want to do.

So onto the playlist! You’ve probably notice that every playlist starts with a Disney song. I’m trying to slowly add all the classic Disney music that I don’t already have on my iPod. This month was “The Siamese Cat Song” from Lady and the Tramp, which, admittedly, probably isn’t a great choice. It’s definitely one of those songs that, as you get older, you have that, “Oh, Disney. You should have known better,” realization. Also, can we agree that Lady and the Tramp is one of the most disturbing Disney movies out there? Adorable spaghetti scenes with stereotyped Italians aside, you got the dog pound scene where they take the dog to be euthanized, the alligator that almost bites Lady’s face off at the zoo, and then THAT RAT AT THE END HOLY CRAP. But anyway. I did have to add a cat song in here because my roommate and I got a new kitten this month! He’s black and his name is Stefan. We’re picking up a brother for him soon and if you can guess what his name will be, you get all the points.

Moving on, All Time Low’s album, Last Young Renegade, came out and SO GOOD. They’ve been slowly been releasing songs from it and I’ve loved every one. The album followed in the same vein. I got my roommate hooked on “Good Time” and “Nightmares” is the one that really resonates with me. I’m currently addicted to the line, “I gotta say it’s hard to be brave when you’re alone in the dark. I promise myself I wouldn’t be scared, but I’m still having nightmares,” which has been my go to for the more difficult times this month.

“The Sound of Silence” was downloaded so I could use it in a Snapchat (which you can follow me on at thecailin), but it is a classic for a reason.

Hanson came out with their yearly fan club EP and Hanson is always my favorite so that was awesome to have throughout the month.

And, okay, CAN WE TALK ABOUT MOANA? I didn’t hear a lot of hype about it and the music until very recently, but everyone I talk to that’s seen it loved it and talked about the music. So over Father’s Day weekend, I rented it with my dad and YUP. Go download, at the very least, “How Far I’ll Go.”

And we round out the playlist with a song by my brother’s best friend, Geoff M. Peterson (or King Geoff as my friends used to call him for reasons I can’t remember). But he gave me a free download for this song and it is relaxing as f*ck. Please go check him out here.

  1. “The Siamese Cat Song / What’s Going On Down There” Peggy Lee & Oliver Wallace
  2. “Drugs & Candy” All Time Low
  3. “Good Times” All Time Low *
  4. “Nightmares” All Time Low *
  5. “Dark Side Of Your Room” All Time Low
  6. “Ground Control” All Time Low ft. Tegan & Sara
  7. “Afterglow” All Time Low
  8. “The Sound of Silence” Simon & Garfunkel
  9. “Somebody That Wants To Love You” Hanson
  10. “Ghostwriter” Hanson
  11. “Reach Out For My Hand” Hanson
  12. “I Don’t Want To Go Home” Hanson
  13. “I Lift You Up” Hanson
  14. “How Far I’ll Go” Auli’i Cravalho *
  15. “Pollinators In Bee Major” Geoff M Peterson



nail polish – Formula X in “Push The Limits”

May Playlist


  • “Thomas O’Malley Cat” Phil Harris
  • “Sweet Creature” Harry Styles
  • “ABC Cafe / Red & Black” Eddie Redmayne, Aaron Tveit & Students
  • “Disconnected” 5 Seconds of Summer
  • “Orange” The Filthy Youth
  • “Powerful Magic” Ginnifer Goodwin & Josh Dallas
  • “The Queen Sings” Lana Parrilla, Giancarlo Esposito, Lee Arenberg, Tony Amendola, Beverley Elliott, Ginnifer Goodwin & Josh Dallas
  • “Love Doesn’t Stand A Chance” Lana Parrilla, Giancarlo Esposito, Lee Arenberg, Tony Amendola, Beverley Elliott, Ginnifer Goodwin & Josh Dallas
  • “Revenge Is Gonne Be Mine” Colin O’Donoghue & Pirates
  • “Wicked Always Wins” Rebecca Mader
  • “Charmings vs. Evil Queen” Ginnifer Goodwin, Josh Dallas & Lana Parrilla
  • “Emma’s Theme” Jennifer Morrison
  • “A Happy Beginning” Jennifer Morrison, Colin O’Donoghue, Ginnifer Goodwin, Josh Dallas, Lana Parrilla, Rebecca Mader, Jared Gilmore & Once Upon a Time: The Musical Episode Chorus
  • “Tortured Soul” Chord Overstreet
  • “Wreck Me” Chord Overstreet
  • “Screw Paris” Chord Overstreet
  • “Take Me Home” Chord Overstreet
  • “Meet Me In The Hallway” Harry Styles
  • “Carolina” Harry Styles
  • “Two Ghosts” Harry Styles
  • “Only Angel” Harry Styles
  • “Kiwi” Harry Styles
  • “Ever Since New York” Harry Styles
  • “Woman” Harry Styles
  • “From The Dining Table” Harry Styles
  • “Public Pool Party” Lucy Angel
  • “Coachella – Woodstock In My Mind” Lana Del Rey
  • “Hold On (Remix)” Chord Overstreet & Deepend
  • “Nice2KnoU” All Time Low
  • “Remember I Told You” Nick Jonas ft. Anne-Marie & Mike Posner
  • “I Was Born” Hanson

April Playlist

This was definitely the theme of April for me. There’s some stuff coming in May that I’ve been busting my butt for that I don’t want to talk about in case it doesn’t happen. But if it does happen, it means even more work for me. In end, it’s a good thing, but it’s very overwhelming. So this quote on my wall has been a good reminder that it will be worth it. Because it definitely will be.

So let’s talk about the playlist. I FINALLY got Aaron Tveit’s live album from 2013, which is why it makes up most of this playlist. The rest has all been new music from people I love, so YAH. John Mayer released the rest of his album and Lana Del Rey did a song with The Weeknd which all sounded pretty cool. I am LOVING Harry Styles’ new sound. “Sign of the Times” sounds very Bowie to me (and I love David Bowie) and I’m excited for the rest of his album. Vanessa Hudgens was featured in Shawn Hook’s song, which works really well for a story I’m writing on WattPad so that made me happy (shameless plus). And then I got not one, but TWO new songs from All Time Low, which are both a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Everything I’ve heard about this new album has been incredible and I can’t WAIT for the rest of the album.

And then there’s “Hold On.” I went on about this in February when Chord Overstreet first released the studio version of this song. BUT THIS VERSION. This was the version I wanted when I found out “Hold On” was going to be released (which I tweeted and he retweeted btw) and I’m SO HAPPY I got it eventually.

  1. “Something’s Coming” Aaron Tveit
  2. “If I Loved You/To Make You Feel My Love” Aaron Tveit
  3. “When I Was Your Man” Aaron Tveit
  4. “What You’d Call A Dream” Aaron Tveit
  5. “One Song Glory” Aaron Tveit *
  6. “There’s a World/Hero and Leander” Aaron Tveit
  7. “I Could Be In Love With Someone Like You” Aaron Tveit
  8. “Run Away With Me” Aaron Tveit *
  9. “She’s Always A Woman/A Case of You” Aaron Tveit
  10. “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” Aaron Tveit
  11. “Goodbye” Aaron Tveit
  12. “My Romance/I Remember You” Aaron Tveit
  13. “In The Blood” John Mayer
  14. “Theme from ‘The Search For Everything'” John Mayer
  15. “Never On The Day You Leave” John Mayer
  16. “Rosie” John Mayer
  17. “Lust For Life” Lana Del Rey ft. The Weeknd
  18. “Sign of the Times” Harry Styles *
  19. “Hold On” (acoustic) Chord Overstreet ***********
  20. “Reminding Me” Shawn Hook ft. Vanessa Hudgens
  21. “Last Young Renegade” All Time Low *
  22. “Life Of The Party” All Time Low *


wall decal

Corporate Edge

I love the idea of corporate goth. The chic black pencil skirts. The romantic blouses that are appropriate for the corporate environment but still completely self expressive. There are lots of blogs that can show you that look better than I can, but I thought I’d take the idea and simplify it, doing this flatlay featuring a piece of wardrobe that almost anyone can wear to work: a white button down.

Every job is different and has a different dress code. My first job outside of baby-sitting was Wal-Mart where, as anyone knows, required that hideous blue vest. However, it meant I could wear whatever top I wanted underneath, so long as it wasn’t offensive . . . until they started making us wear hideous blue collared shirts with khaki pants. After that, I worked in an office that was business casual where this post would have come in handy. Then was Borders, where the only dress code was no jeans with holes in them. Now I work two jobs where it’s back to business casual.

The shirt I have here I got on Amazon from a company called LE3NO. I have never had luck with this style, always finding it too tight in the chest and showing off unsightly rolls. So when I tried this XXL on, I was expecting the worst, but was surprised that it felt comfortable and didn’t show off all the lumps and bumps I wanted covered.

You know your work environment. You know what you can get away with and what you can’t. That being said, turning this plain white shirt into something that represents me is ALL about the accessories. I’m not one of those people that wears sunglasses inside (please never be that person), but there’s always that moment of walking inside, taking off your glasses and hearing some cool soundtrack in your head as you’re about to tackle your day.

Just me? Okay.

Anyway, the glasses are also from Amazon by zeroUV in the color “Black Smoke.” I love zeroUV because they always do free shipping, whether you get it on Amazon or direct from their site and you can get so many cool glasses from them for under $10. Another Amazon item is the black leather cuff by INBLUE. While that stands alone on one wrist, I grouped part of a Blackheart bracelet set from Hot Topic on the other. My necklace is unfortunately sold out, but it was from Nastydress and has been much loved.

Again, you know your work environment. If you’re on your feet all day FIND SOME SENSIBLE SHOES. These are not them. That being said, look. how. awesome. The studs, the metal wrapping around the heel . . . Just try not to strut in them.

Onto makeup. If I can wear no other product, it’s eyeliner. Rushing out the door? Eyeliner. All the time in the world? Eyeliner. That being said, THIS MASCARA. The Better Than Sex by Too Faced mascara has been hyped up by everyone and a few months ago, I finally bought it, both the regular and the waterproof. I hadn’t used it yet because I still had a MAC mascara I was using, but I tested it out before I stuck it in this post and, yes. WORTH IT. I lamented about my guylashes in my last blog post, but not only does this product give them volume and length, but it also looks like I’m already wearing top liner. If you can get a sample, doooo ittttt. I went to Sephora earlier this week and grabbed the Kat Von D Lock-It Setting Powder. I don’t use much makeup when it comes to foundation and powders and things like that, but I like using translucent powders as a base for my eyes because it makes blending easier. For perfume, I really like this scent by Viktor&Rolf called Spicebomb. It’s a pretty masculine scent, and, yes, spicy spelling, but it definitely makes me feel a bit stronger and confident with it on. Black nails are my go-to and definitely have both a bold and chic look to them. But if you’re sort of over the black and white thing everywhere, I like “Pepe’s Purple Passion” from OPI’s Muppets collection. Also, it pairs really nicely with Rimmel’s Kate Matte Lipstick in 107.

Oh, and the magazine is for when you’re chilling on your break. I have issue #150 of Bello featuring my favorite, Chord Overstreet, because, yeah.

All work and no play . . .